Lives Journal 1

Matjazh Jarc

 

 

A FEW SHORT NOTES FROMA A DIARY

 

World, Light, Holiness

2 December 2008, 8:48 AM

 

This morning I woke up thinking that the world is arranged perfectly - but I was not satisfied.

Everything progresses and changes maintaining the balance between opposites. From the Universe’s point of view even great natural disasters suffered by the Earth are but fleeting, barely noticeable breaks in the fluent rhythm of revolutionary shifts and calm growth of the planet. And I am waiting for a great surprise.

Each day light bestows awaking upon me, but I would sleep. When clouds fill the sky I yearn for a clear day, when it grows dark I turn on the light. In silence I wish for noise and when it is noisy I stop my ears. I only become aware of light when it blinds me and I am forced to close my eyes.

Life is sacred, to be cherished and I am excited by death. The world is illuminated by the holiness of being, but I would transform it into something different, something better. And where perfection has been created, both in Nature and in my soul, I would transform, supplement and improve. I am lucky that from the World’s point of view my attempts are insignificant.

Still I have created my own little internal world in which I attempt to mould all my experiences corresponding to my will. Perhaps this is because my will and wishes were not taken into consideration when I was conceived. And I ask myself whether my discontentment with life as is hails perhaps from this very fact. Whence else hails the erroneous belief that I am a deficient being unable to grasp the essence of the world, the perfection of light and the holiness of existence?

 

 

Soundless War

4 December 2008, 4:50 AM

 

I dreamt of a soundless war. We sat beneath the trees and suddenly inaudible helicopters, transport airplanes, armoured vehicles and trucks slid by. They were carrying property hunters.

They glided over us, a flying column without end.

I thought to myself that they must be in need of vast new property. Various valuable goods: metals, stones, liquids, written records, valuables, artworks...

They will kill or run off current owners, load the cargo and in time transport the plunder whence they came leaving behind devastation and relief that they left. Also remaining will be the fear they may one day return and loot all which would have been created in the meantime. This will be followed by partial oblivion. Life will go on, we shall accumulate new property.

“Why do they plunder?” I asked myself. The answer was simple. Property is as valuable to them as it is to us, who accumulate it for ourselves. If we cared less about it so would they. And if we did not consider it property they would not consider it prey.

I thought about all I deem my property. How many passions are tied to my ownership, desires for more, worries about losing it all. The bud of property itself already gives rise to greed. Greed materialises in hatred and cruelty. And cruelty brings revenge. Life becomes a silent war for property.

The concept of ownerships is one of man’s fundamental blunders. All that is necessary is shelter, food and drink. These are the only things worth fighting with a looter. Everything else you create is good for you as well as others. Let him who needs what you create enjoy it as much as you do, as you enjoy that which he creates.

 Life is far simpler than complicated manmade economy may lead us to believe. Through diverse assessment of various matters we have created the concept of property which has built ramparts between our individual ownership interests and strengthened our mutual distrust. We are no longer friends now barring exceptional cases and even then we are but friendly enemies enveloped in a persisting  silent war which must, from time to time, rage, rumble and rattle. 

Even though the solution is so incredibly simple it sometimes seems to me that we will never find our way out of this maze wherein we have lost our way. But fortunately mankind is young yet with every chance of ending this state of war.

 

 

Comprehension of the State of Death

5 December 2008, 9:08 AM

 

Yesterday a friend who is slowly taking leave of his life asked me what I thought of death. What happens when we die?

This is something a living person cannot know, but he can believe in one of the possible explanations.

“Nothing special,” I heard myself say. “Iit will be as it was tonight when you slept. The only difference being that you will not wake. And even now you forget your dreams even before you remember them.”

Where within myself I found this answer, I do not know. But I have no doubt it is correct. Every night I die and every morning I come alive again.

“I think this is not the case,” he replied. “There exists a flow of energies above life and death. Consciousness must surely remain in contact with them I do not know whether it is truly a consciousness or not, but it is something. I am very curious though.”

Exactly, curiosity and fear! They both stem from the human mind’s incapability to comprehend the unknown. How could a mind comprehend the unknown if it doesn’t even entirely comprehend the known?

How could it comprehend energies and laws that govern life and death when it is alive, a time when comprehension is in full fling? Undoubtedly more easily than after death, when the mind fades into sleep, I might imagine. But this is not the case. A living person cannot comprehend that which a dead person experiences.

The ever exalted human mind and intellect are greatly overrated. In fundamental matters they are all too eagerly replaced by the belief in Something. The closer one comes to death, the more steadfast the belief. Even though at the bottom line, most often, it has grown from fear of Nothing.

And – from the empty fear of sleep.

For, he who does not fear sleep does not fear the perception of the state of death, which is in essence very pleasant. I speak from experience. I love sleeping. I also have nothing against one day not waking up in bed but Somewhere Else. Even more so if I not merely Woke, but literally Awakened.

 

 

Always a New Beginning

6 December 2008, 9:01 AM

 

Morning is the birth of light, formed into living matter, constantly moving and changing unnoticeably as it may. Even inside the things it covers, invisible particles awake and hurry anew each on their own path. All which has lost itself in sleep during the night is here again at least slightly different from what it was only the evening before.

Morning conceives a new series of irrecurable moments framing the yet unheard sounds of the dance of light. It seems as though the night never for a moment covered existence with silence. From the incomprehended bird’s song motifs of time come to light; its melody only initially seemingly predictable but entirely different in detail. It opens up a treasury of a new day where it is possible, through incomprehensible mercy, to pour another chalice of life.

And morning brings the hope of constant repetition that, like the inhales and exhales of the universe, infinitely ends and begins over and over again. In the thinnest of morning beams a promise is felt, that this feeling of eternal births will wallow with light until the end of eternity. Until the end which does not exist.

 

 

Invisible Paths

7 December 2008, 5:43 AM

 

There are invisible paths through the future that remain there always. Whatever happens is like a step on one of these paths but the footprint is always imprinted slightly behind it.

These footprints alone paint the past and the entirely determined directions in which a living being moved. It is as though the present does not exist; only stepping onto the unreachable path of the future exists. It continuously retreats into itself giving way to passing.

Life is but an only too fleeting moment between the step and the footprint.

The path taken is the reflection of the path one intended to take. Only the memory of this movement reveals the differences between what the being wanted and what actually happened. For the moments themselves happen too slowly to reach in the future and too fast to remain in the present. And so the being does not know what will be and does not understand what is. It sees only what was.

Everything glides into the past with incredible speed. As soon as you do something aimed at reaching a goal, your action is already behind you. You have an inkling as to what will be but you do not understand what is because, in the meantime, it already was. And all this slowly but surely fades into oblivion.

This is why reality itself is nothing but a reflection of what it could have been if it would not pass before; existence, in all its imperfection, is but a vision of something truly magnificent.

 

 

Final Answer

10 December 2008, 8:50 AM

 

The final answer lay at the end of the endless path.

All I come to know on the path is a changing and fleeting thought. Answers I discover along the way are but minuscule parts of the reality I inhabit. Whatever I create is nothing but a step forward on the path into the unknown. When I unveil the small secrets I am happy, because I know – there is no end.

 

 

Truth

14 December 2008, 6:27 PM

 

Truth only shines in the light of wisdom.

Truth-in-itself does not exist, its manifestation only comes from man’s perception of being and the laws that govern it. This is why man continuously recreates truth by trying over and over to colour its invisibility and incomprehensibility with wisdom that dropped into his spirit from who-knows-where.

A thought may pose a question, a sensibility may have an inkling of the answer but wisdom alone can shed light on it, comprehend it, testify to it. Man may answer a question without the light of wisdom, but the answer is untrue and the creation that hails from it leads into illusion.

 

 

Love

17 December 2008, 5:53 PM

 

Love is the essence of light.

Light is fulfilled by energy, content, colours, images... In it ideas glow alight, through it thoughts and premonitions are given meaning, in it emotions are clad, inside it instincts flame... All which is beautiful glows therein and all which is ugly is illuminated by its beauty. Even in invisibility it glistens. Light is the fundament of life.

 

 

Power

21 December 2008, 9:02 PM

 

Power is the materialised capability of deciding whether to cause or prevent occurrences and of the control over them. It is the enforcing of individual will and the regulation of the will of others.... And power is the predominant force that, in certain contexts, brings with it the responsibility for the executed intents and their foreseen and unforeseen consequences.

It is also the incapacity of the sovereign to act in contradiction to the laws of necessity imposed by cosmic power, the highest of powers perceivable by man. Namely it is the one which determines the most basic principles of existence and non-existence, motion, stillness, and the constant mutation of everything. In comparison man is a frail creature that may try to intervene in its workings and appropriate it as much as he can but is only successful to a negligible extent. Even the highest cosmic sovereign, if he exists, may only carry it out in the frames it dictates. Each imperfect action in connection to the exacting of said power may prove to be a mere disturbance in an otherwise perfect order of universal events.

Earthly power only reaches as far as the events taking place on our planet and its immediate surroundings. Its fundamental tasks are basically constantly subject to cosmic supremacy, but they can prove fatal for Earth and its inhabitants to a greater or smaller extent. In it various forms of domineering wills entwine that decide the actual events, each in their own field. Their decisions are stretched between life and death of individual beings or the groups they form mostly in keeping with the will of cosmic supremacies or, put in another way, according to laws of nature imposed on Earth by these supremacies.

Mankind, merely one of many life forms on this planet, deems political power to be the highest of all. It forms a dynamic structure of relationships between individual people who are organised functionally according to their origins, actual power, estimated value of their property or often even according to their capabilities of making wise decisions concerning matters facing mankind or its parts. Political power is regulated by projections of cosmic and natural laws quite negligently copied into law codes and, most of all by those accumulated by-the-way and used directly from that small part of primary sources that are actually known to political sovereigns and tangible by their minds. They take responsibility for their conduct before their subjects who may in the best case award them and ruin them in the worst. Their role is – unlike the role of cosmic power – merely temporary, slightly prolonged through historical records, but irrevocably transitory.

There are different ways in which we earthlings conduct power over each other and things we assume ownership over. Many species resolve complications which arise in these circumstances through the law of survival of the fittest based on which a being is instated through victory and the defeat of others. This fact is actually what gives rise to the most primary of decisions of power – that which triggers consequences that are to the benefit of some and detriment of others. Down the centuries mankind has also copied certain principles of exacting judicial power from the invisible cosmic law codes. These strive to establish the so called state of justice. In these decisions of power, justice itself usually remains at a level of a principal direction and an unattainable goal. Nevertheless, judicial rulers attempt to come as close as possible to it and to keep more or less consistently to the accepted principal direction. Consciousness of the impossibility of the realization of these tasks of power is completely generally accepted and so the men in power need not answer for their failures while their endeavours to have as many successes as possible may be generally rewarded with the respect and trust in judicial power.

If on one hand political and judicial powers are, by nature, exacted functionally, most frequently through institutions, then the purest relationships of power are formed among people through direct personal contact or everyday communication. Since there are no written binding codex in the World, but rather power is distributed among individuals automatically and in keeping with laws of nature, direct power relations are formed as a consequence and entirely autonomously, respective of individual situations where interests, desires, emotions and/or instincts of the people in question meet. These spontaneously developed relations between individuals create room for more or less perfect congruity of being – the consequences of which present themselves in the distribution of roles in life which are taken on by individuals in individual situations. In this the responsibility for spontaneous decisions is reflected above all in the consequences of their actions, spread between approval and contentment with the formed decisions and vengefulness – and other various cruelties – due to the unacceptable nature of these decisions for the persons affected.

The most basic – but also the most important is man’s power over himself. In the game of establishing this power, man has a chance to achieve harmony with cosmic, natural, and earthly laws, according to which power principles are regulated. In the process of coming to understand these principles man can make such decisions for his actions as open possibilities for communication on all levels of existence and non-existence. Realisations which he accumulates through this process draw him higher, closer to the sphere of supreme cosmic ruler while at the same time putting him in his place as the lowest earthly subject, who knows how to respect founded decisions and reject its superficially constructed substitutes. Power over oneself also brings one closer to the comprehension that the cosmic order is perfect enough as is, without the attempts to intervene in the fundamental laws that keep cosmic order and with it the harmony of human spirit and all which surrounds it.

And the possibility that man may sooner or later establish power over himself negates the necessity of mankind’s need to regulate its small world by means of earthly powers, in either the near or distant future; especially since it is hardly even noticeable in comparison to the vastness of the Universe. This also puts some perspective on the recently popular notion of the importance of earthly rulers and the long term significance of the concept of power in general.

For all earthly creatures other substances are much more important in terms of cosmic laws and the laws of nature.

 

 

Invincible Sun

24 December, 2008, 8:20 PM

 

An ancient tale relates that the Sun god must conquer the queen of darkness each night, so that it may rise the following morning and wake us – which is of vital importance to us.

Each night they battle to the death until the queen fall beneath the unendurable touches of sunbeams vanquishing her into the immense vastness of the sky. And when the Sun shines again from the east we can hear her inaudible breathing, for the queen now slumbers peacefully, dreaming of a day when the sun will drown forever in her embrace.

Each day she wakes from this dream a little earlier, pulling the Sun close and each time their battle is fiercer. While beams disappear in the black depths, our life stands still the wish to continue barely glimmering deep inside. The fatal engagement palely reflected by the stars is scarcely felt as the approaching of salvation – a time when our sky will again be pierced with rays and when our world will receive meaning once more.

And each day the Sun god returns from the queen’s chambers a little later. Her embrace grows ever deeper, inside it he feels as though the sheets of night enveloped him in their embrace from which it will be unable to break free. The threat of death seems more and more alike to the promise of eternal love and the significance of returning to the world’s horizon holds less and less obligation. But nevertheless at the last moment the queen is conquered, stricken by light. And the Sun god returns – even if only in the middle of the day – pitched above the sky.

Days grow shorter and nights are cast over an ever wider time-span. Our space grows ever smaller and the hope that Sun will shine on our love again is slowly fading. On some dark day we forget to pray to the Sun god and begin praising the Queen of darkness in our hearts.

Then the bright god becomes aware of his mission once more. Our fear of eternal end melts in his light and glistens in it as it pierces the heart of the Queen of darkness with an unflinching glow. With each scream of her terrible powerlessness beams of our belief in the limitless power of love and of our will to live are cast at her through the gaze of the Sun god. And she is felled, now lying under all this might, and dissipates in the morning much sooner than she did the day before.

Days grow longer and longer, and in the ever shorter nights each exhale of death is more alike to the inhales of love. From the eastern horizon the Sun winds of rebirth blow once more, and the world glides again, day after day, in to the realms of luminous nights reflecting eternal love for our invincible Sun.

 

 

Translated from Slovenian by Jaka Jarc 

 

 

Slovenian (gajica)

Slovenian (bohorichica)